“I felt really strange when people offered to do fundraisers for us. However, one of my good friends told me: ‘Let people help. So many people care about you, and giving money to ease your financial situation is one of the few ways that they can help’.”

"Accepting help is not so difficult, but asking for it is much harder. We tended to struggle on our own because it just didn't occur to us that we could ask."

"We often are simply polite, thinking that the offers are not truly sincere. We accept prayers, but not a whole lot more."

"We accepted all help offered to us. We also found that people who offered to help were really genuinely pleased that we accepted, and that enthusiasm really boosted our morale."

"Just ask, speak and communicate."


"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path - and leave a trail."
 ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~
Seeking and Accepting Help From Friends and Family.

Back to index 
The Dolphin Family Pages
ORPHANS OF THE CANCER STORM
Disclaimer

This information page has been prepared by an individual who does not have medical training.  Contributions have been shared by the parents of children diagnosed with retinoblastoma or optic glioma.  Orphans of the Cancer Storm cannot make any assurances relating to the validity of medical information contained within this page.

The OCS website is intended for information purposes only and should not be used as a guide to diagnosis or treatment. If this information raises any concerns about your child’s condition or care protocol, discuss them with his or her paediatrician, oncologist, or other appropriate medical professional who has knowledge of the case.
Return to the main Dolphin Family Page.
Spend just a short time browsing the internet, and you will find personal web pages, news stories and television programme reviews featuring incredibly brave children and heroic parents facing childhood cancer with near superhuman quantities of hope, energy and passion.   In an attempt to redress the widespread cultural fear of cancer, today's media is full of such items, depicting close-knit family support, enthusiastic community involvement, and a general conquering of the human spirit over this pernicious enemy.

However, this is certainly not the experience of all families, for though childhood cancer may thrust itself into the heart of courageous, heroic families, it does not discriminate.  It affects people from all walks of life, from those on low income to the financially secure, from the single parent to the happily married couple, from the single child to the large family, from the family living in a tightly knit community to the newly arrived strangers, from those with a strong faith to those with none at all.

It is true that, when faced with such a crisis, the majority of parents discover reserves of strength previously unknown to them.  Despite the immense trauma, they somehow survive, often becoming positively changed by it.  However, this is not always the case, and heroism in the face of childhood cancer is an unreasonable expectation for any individual or family.


Seek out, and accept help

Prior the diagnosis of your child's cancer, you may have felt totally secure in your ability to provide for one another's needs alone.  Indeed, you may have never felt the compulsion to ask for outside help before.  However, nothing can prepare you for the ordeal ahead, and childhood cancer is not something a family can, or should have to, face alone. The cancer will heap immense physical, emotional and financial demands on your family, and you will need an equally great amount of support to field those demands.  Early recognition of this will go a long way in protecting and maintaining the stability and survival of your family.
"I was very proud and against help and support at first, thinking I could deal with this by myself. It does not work that way, if you allow people in, you gain support and this gives you the strength you need."

"I was scared to ask for help and we didn't.  Looking back I think we should have.  It may have helped us to cope better.  We really needed financial help yet never asked for it so we didn't get it.  We ended up having to file bankruptcy which made us feel like we had failed as human beings somehow. We also needed emotional/psychological help and didn't ask for it.  It took a serious toll on us as my parents and my husband and I are all currently taking antidepressants.  We all felt we couldn't talk about it and I think we should have taken the time to ask for help."

"I think support is vital and we must all learn to accept as well as give."

"Right now, I am SO grateful for offers of support. I embrace every single one of them!"
It is important to learn how to accept help with grace and encouragement, but more importantly, to seek assistance when it is needed.  Most relatives, friends and community members wish to help in any way they can, but they do need to know how they can help without intruding.
"Both my husband and I have wonderful work places that have offered money, presents of diapers(23 boxes), wipes, gloves, etc."

"I have always needed someone to listen and have finally found a few people willing to do just that. It has really helped me to heal from the devastation I first felt and to look to the future. Also, several people have offered to take care of the kids for me to give me a break. This is something I really needed."

"My immediate family has been very supportive and still are. My friends are much more supportive now and that has helped me find more inner strength."
Keep your options open and remain receptive to offers of help. You will need all that you can get as you travel this road, and assistance will often materialise in the most surprising and welcome forms when least expected, to encourage and support you along the way.
In a time of crisis, it is natural to turn to family and friends for support and help, but it is important to remember that their ability to respond also depends on events in their own lives.  Respect their own limitations and commitments, as you do your own.

If you have friends and/or family members who want to help, but don't know what to do or say, consider directing them to the section of this website designed specifically for them in this situation.
Copyright © 2004, Orphans of the Cancer Storm. All Rights Reserved.
General Resources
Retinoblastoma
Optic Glioma
Contact
Site Map
Home